


Hodor

by queerqueen



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Gen, Neurodiversity, Nonverbal Character, Nonverbal Communication, Sensory Overload, Speech Disorders, sensory processing disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 12:38:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerqueen/pseuds/queerqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look inside Hodor's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hodor

**Author's Note:**

> I always wonder what Hodor's mind is like, whenever he appears in the TV series or the books. He seems to be able to understand people, and gets across his emotions pretty well. I always imagined him as being a lot deeper than people around him expect, because that's usually true of nonverbal people in real life, too. So here is my headcanon about him. Some of this is how I experience the world, like the pain from loud noises and how it sounds when a lot of people talk at once. Although I'm actually one of the people that Hodor would think uses too many words too fast. :D

Walder knows a lot more than people give him credit for. For one, he knows that his name is Walder, even though everyone calls him Hodor. He wishes that people would call him Walder, because he is proud of the name that his mother gave him. His mother died when he was young. He doesn't remember her much at all, so the name Walder is a way she can stay with him. It is his very own name. He never met anyone else named Walder before. He just can't _say_ "Walder" out loud, because it comes out like "Hodor" when he tries, just like with all the other words he knows.

He knows most words that other people use, although they seem to use a lot more of them than they have to. Usually Walder understands what people are saying to him or what they are talking to each other about. (Sometimes, they talk about Walder like he is not there and can't hear them.) But he gets lost when people talk too fast, or all at once. Then the words all run together. It might sound like

_"Arbgebark? Sarbleflergrarons! Hahahaha!"_

And then Walder knows they are laughing about something, but he doesn't have any idea _what_. Maybe they are even laughing at him, but he doesn't know. (Walder doesn't laugh like that, but he does have a way of saying "Hodor!" that is just like laughing.)

Sometimes in a big stone room all the voices start to sound like the roar of a beast, or the rush of a waterfall. When he is tired, sometimes even just one person talking to him starts to sound like a stream gurgling. But Walder is usually good at understanding what people _mean_ , even if he can't make all the words out, or he doesn't know all of the long ones. There is a difference between how words sound when they are angry words, or happy words, or the words that are asking him to do something, or the words that bring bad news. 

Walder thinks it would be easier if everyone just used one word, like him. He likes "hodor" because it feels good in his mouth as it comes off his tongue - the sounds " _hhh_ " and " _D!_ " are some of his favourites. _Hhh_ is soft, and _D!_ is hard. When he is upset, he can say it over and over again and it helps him calm down. Especially if there are loud noises. Walder _hates_ loud noises. They make him feel like someone is poking a sharp stick into his ear, all the way to his brain. When he says "Hodor! Hodor! Hodor!" as loud as he can, it helps him forget about the bad noises.

Sometimes he can hear the words other people use inside his head, and he can think of what he would like to say with them, but they won't come out. He would like to say "My name is Walder," so everyone knows, but he isn't sure how he could get his mouth to say those sounds. (Usually, there are pictures inside his mind to go with his thoughts, instead of words.)

But Walder feels like he mostly gets along fine with his one word. When he says "Hodor," it can mean that he is happy, or it can mean that he is sad. He knows ways to say it to tell people that he understands, and ways to say that he is confused about something.

His friends seem to understand him most times. But other times, they don't get what he is saying, and it makes him upset. It confuses him how all the many, fast, long words they use could help them understand better. He is just making one word, and sometimes moving his hands or making a face to go with it, and they still don't know what it means! They treat Walder like _he_ is the simple one, like _he_ doesn't quite know what is going on. Walder thinks his way is easier, and that other people are making it harder for everyone when they use so many words. 

Everyone else sometimes uses the same word to mean different things, so why is it hard when he does it? Sometimes they will say the word "Lovely," to mean that something is really nice. But there is another way they say "Lovely," that means they don't like something at all. It is the same with his word "hodor," except the word "hodor" is much more useful than a word that can only say _two_ things.

This is why Walder is happiest when he is with babies, or animals. They all have one or a few words that they use to mean all kinds of things, like he does. He likes working as a stableboy, because he understands the horses better than anyone else. Most people hear the "neigh" word that a horse makes but don't understand it, just like they don't understand his "hodor" word. But the horses are like him. They have a "neigh" that is scared, and one that is happy, and one that is hungry. They have one for every situation a horse might be in. Just like he has a "hodor" for every situation that he might be in as Walder.

After another long day (when people have called him the wrong name again), Walder says "Hodor, hodor," to the horses, in a way that means it is nighttime and it is time for them to sleep, and that he hopes they sleep well, and that he will see them in the morning. He knows from the words they make and the way they look at him that they understand, and that they want him to sleep well too.


End file.
